


You're screaming redemption, but I can't hear you

by junebugtwin



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Depression, Friends to Enemies to Friends Again, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Takes Place During Season Three, and frankly neither is adora, bow is the only one with any braincells, but not after it, but then, catra drinks dumb bitch juice, catra is not okay!, fuck hordak, fuck shadowweaver, glimmer is having none of this, we already knew that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:34:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22518580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junebugtwin/pseuds/junebugtwin
Summary: There was something about her that made people stop trying. Made them unsympathetic. Cruel. And she was always fighting it- blaming others, First Shadowweaver, then Adora, then the world. But it was her. And she was tired. Tired of pretending it wasn’t, of trying to be more, get more. She was settling for what she had, and what she had was worth less than a shits stain on the back of someone’s shoe.---or- the story of how Catra gets captured by the rebellion and forced into court mandated therapy. Sort of.
Comments: 21
Kudos: 61





	You're screaming redemption, but I can't hear you

**Author's Note:**

> (So, this takes place in season three- but like, before the final. Just so you know ) Also, if child abuse, torture, or suicidal thoughts will be triggers for you, please read at your own digression. 
> 
> Enjoy the fic!

Catra slid noisily down the tree she was perched on, making sure her decent was loud enough to be heard by stupid not cat eared freaks. Adora whips around immediately, fists up, shoulders tense, blonde hair stuck inside her mouth. It’s a familiar stance- Adora got spooked like a Horde kid, instantly aggressive; ready to fight without knowing why. Which was a little dumb, considering she had big ol’ fancy sword now, one that Catra could see her momentarily forgetting constantly in battle. Stupid idiot.

The other two also turn around after a moment’s notice, immediately drawing their weapons- or in Glittery’s case, drawing…sparkles. She fucking… _hated_ those things. Her pride could only take being blinded by literal combat sparkles a few times- well- at this point her pride was like a goddamn street mutt, two thousand dog years old and begging for the release of death.

“Hey Adora.” She huffs, all but forgetting until the last moment what the greeting was supposed to represent now. Smug superiority, confidence, cruelty even. She tries to add a cocky grin on at the last minute, but it feels palpably weak, even to her.

Adora glowers at her, eyes narrowed and lips parted in a snarl. When they were first going at it, Adora used to make this face- like she momentarily forgot to be mad at Catra every time she saw her. Like she had to remind herself of where she was and why she was fighting. It seems that Catra no longer registers as a friend to Adora, even subconsciously. Which is of course, what she wanted. To be Adora’s enemy.

Adora brings her weapon up, pointing her blindingly bright sword to around Catra’s throat area.

“What do you want _Catra_?” She growls, spitting her name like it physically disgusts her to say. She imagines it must. Adora’s life could finally be simple, and happy, and _perfect_ \- if only her muddy past didn’t constantly barge into it. Catra is a symptom to someone else’s disease, an ugly footnote in the background of Adora’s history. Adora’s life would be better if she was dead.

…But it wasn’t all about her was it.

Catra raises her good hand in faux innocence. _Stupidly_. Because this time she actually is trying to be innocent. Faux genuine innocence. Truly; One of a kind.

“I don’t want anything. All I want, is a chance to talk- without Sparkles over there teleporting me off a cliff.” She snarks tiredly. The boy looks like he wants to angrily tell her that the rebellion doesn’t do bad people things like push people off of ledges. ‘Sparkles’ looks like she’s barely stopping herself.

“As if! All you care about is killing _everything_ , and _tricking_ everyone, and lying _constantly_! This is probably a distraction!” Glitter shouts, once again proving that she cannot keep her volume bellow a quiet scream. Catra subtly bends her ears backwards from the noise.

“That’s not true. I have hobbies you know?” She purrs, falling back into her usual unaffected tone when faced with yelling. Kid her was truly ingenuous for coming up with that one. She might get hit but heaven forbid anyone think it bothers her. The sparkling Princess looks like she’s about to retort, but she’s swiftly interrupted.

“No. You don’t.” Adora cuts in, her tone firm and cold. Catra’s lips tug down for a second, hands awkwardly hanging by her sides. She hates it when Adora does that shit in front of her little friends. Like she’d reminding all of them she knows what this pathetic freaks really like. A dirty little bug, trying desperately not to get stepped on. Like suddenly they can see her, small and skinny, hair matted, hands smudged with dirt, yellow green bruises in the shape of hands trailing her skin. Catra has no hobbies, she sleeps on a steel board covered by a blanket on the floor, she eats her ration bars if she’s lucky enough not to get hers stolen, and she trains. That’s it. Catra has no hobbies because she’s not a _real_ person. Catra feels frustration crawling up the hairs on the back of her neck. Adora used to be not a real person too she wants to say. It’s normal. It is.

“Jeez fine. Listen I tried to lighten the mood, but if you insist, I’ll get to the point.” She snaps, angry at her own embarrassment. 

“Entrapta and Hordak are going to open a portal that’s going to destroy the planet. I’ve seen the schematics myself, and I can’t make heads from ass out of them, but it seems like bad news.” She offers, slightly relishing in the groups shocked expressions, resulting from either the idea of the total destruction of Etheria, or from Catra actually giving them information. She reaches into her bag with her non-fucked hand, showing off the complicated diagrams for all to see. The boy is the first to speak.

“How do we know you’re not just…lying? That you didn’t just make those yourself to trick us?” He asks, clearly torn between suspicion and alarm/panic. Catra shrugs, lazily tossing him the papers, which he catches swiftly, though with surprise.

“I guess you don’t. But-“ Glitter interrupts her, you guesses it, loudly.

“Why would you even go against the Horde! Don’t you just love blowing up planets and _babies_ and stuff!” She yells angrily, and Catra raises her eyes at the melodrama of it all. She sighs, shoulders slumping with exhaustion. It’s never easy is it. After a moment she replies seriously.

“Who told you I love killing babies? Because that was supposed to be kept on the down low-” Glitter makes a very aggressive noise of vague and terrible frustration.

“-Anyway. Believe it if you want to, I’m in a bit of hot water back at headquarters, so I’m just gonna…” She almost loses the will to live right then and there. ha ha.

“…go live in some swamp or something I guess. See you all never.” She snorts, turning around abruptly.

“Catra. _Wait_.” Adora’s voice stops her midstep, something in it disturbingly honest. Catra doesn’t turn around, but she doesn’t move forward either.

“You gave us information without any trade- or blackmail- or _anything_. And you’re not trying to get protection, and you’re not trying to win sympathy. You have no back up plan, no last resort.” She sounds unnerved and Catra’s hackles raise, not liking where this is headed. Adora pauses heavily.

“You’re not going to go live in some swamp are you.” She asks, her voice starting out knowingly and ending in a horrified tinge. Catra shifts.

She can hear Bow and Glimmer mutter confusedly behind her back, and she’s sure the implication has gone far over their heads. Brightmoon kids don’t keep each other from committing suicide. But both her and Adora have been down this road.

Adora’s not totally correct. She hadn’t been planning anything really- and well- that was the damning thing. Catra always had a plan, even if that plan was ‘just keep going’. She was thinking about going to a swamp, she wasn’t planning on _living_ there.

But what else was there. Hordak threw her away, Shadowweaver tricked her, Entrapta forgot her, and Scorpia was stuck back at base. She already committed treason before she stole crucial documents and presented them to the rebellion. She almost destroyed Brightmoon, ruthlessly taunted Glimmer and Bow, and turned herself into Adora’s most hated enemy. If she was good at anything, it was burning bridges.

If she was honest, this was a long time coming. As much as she’d normally fight it, she couldn’t be bothered to play games with herself right now. She was pretty much hopeless from the start- Shadowweaver, the fucker, had seen something repulsive and sad in her from the very first time her messed up pupils had zeroed in on her pudgy little baby face. It was all down-hill from there.

There was something about her that made people stop trying. Made them unsympathetic. Cruel. And she was always fighting it- blaming others, First Shadowweaver, then Adora, then the world. But it was her. And she was tired. Tired of pretending it wasn’t, of trying to be more, get more. She was settling for what she had, and what she had was worth less than a shitstain on the back of someone’s shoe. She shrugs.

“Does it really matter Adora?” She asks dismissively, head turning to meet two alarming conflicted grey eyes boring into hers. Adora looks briefly hurt.

“Of course it does!” She exclaims, anger and frustration overwhelming her. Bow stares, eyebrows drawing in seriously.

“What’s…happening right now?” He asks slowly- though his tone sounds suspiciously knowing. No one speaks for a moment. Catra enjoys the feeling of Bright moons clear air gently moving through her hair.

“ _Nothing_. In fact. We’ve just done the impossible!” Catra startles, partially by Adora’s mock cheerful tone, and partially because her very strong arms have just wrapped around her. She hisses loudly, pain flaring earnestly in her messed up arm wound.

Adora continues to speak, even as she lifts Catra’s struggling body upwards.

“We’ve captured legendary Horde Force Captain Catra! I’m sure the Queen will be very pleased!”

 _What_.


End file.
